Is it ever possible to be an amateur MMA fighter, have a full time job and a wife?
In my years training, I have seen lots of people come and go through my gym. Some students leave the gym because they either find new jobs, get married, have children and other responsibilities. I have noticed that the students who have attended the gym on a more consistent basis do so because they have less responsibilities on their plate.
Most fighters that I know are either single, full-time students or work jobs that don’t require mandatory overtime. Full-time students have all the time in the world to train.
I was once in that position years ago while in college.
I am envious of the fighters who do not work the 9-5 job. Don’t get me wrong- I am thankful to be employed. However, I would love to work a job that gives me the time and flexibility to train.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that most of these fighters were single. At first, I didn’t understand why this was the case. Most women I have encountered over the years gawk over fighters because of their physique or their ability to knock someone out. And my wife has always been on the sidelines cheering me on since my first fight back in 2005.
I asked my wife why you hardly hear fighters thanking their girlfriends or wives after winning a fight. And she broke it down to me. Yea, some fighters are assholes. But some fighters are actually nice guys. And there are some girlfriends who enjoy watching their boyfriends dominate their opponents.
However, some women can’t deal with the time commitment needed for one to train effectively and safely. Some significant others cannot handle seeing their loved ones being punched in the face over and over again. Or some may feel that they are second place to the fighter’s career. Even some significant others feel that it’s just a hobby, not their significant other’s true passion.
Whatever the reasons, I am lucky to marry a woman who is supportive of my mixed martial arts career.
I have often wondered how professional MMA fighters train 8-10 hours a day while maintaining a healthy relationship with their partner. It is a delicate balance to maintain these different yet equally important aspects in a fighter’s life.
How much attention do you really need give your craft, work and family in order for everything to fall into place? It is so easy to let things slip and as a result, things fall apart. In my case, I have three options:
1) Work full time during the day and train Monday-Friday at night. Having a schedule like this will guarantee money to pay the bills and improve my fighting skills. However, this schedule will definitely have a negative impact on my marriage. I learned that the hard way through many arguments with my wife even before she became my fiancée. Looking back, I don’t blame her at all for being frustrated. For months at a time, I had that schedule and it was tough just spending time with her on the weekends.
Or...
2) Spend all my free time at home with my wife, family and friends. Although my loved ones will be happy, my skills will become rusty. As a result of this, I am more prone to injuries in a training session or suffering a loss in an amateur fight. I become restless and very intolerable because I become restless and easily frustrated if I do not train. This makes it difficult for others, especially loved ones, to be around me.
Or…
3) Allocate my time to have quality time with my wife, work and still improve in my training sessions. I strive for this scenario everyday. It is very difficult at times. This scenario would help me build a stronger bond to my wife AND improve on my skills so I can advance in jiu-jitsu and muay thai. This scenario takes the three roles: The Engineer… The Husband… and The Fighter.
Yet, no one can tell you what truly works because it all depends on your individual situation. However, communication is the key to success in any relationship. If you are clear with the other person about your intentions, most times they will listen and take it to heart.
My wife and I talked to our long time friend a few weeks ago. This man is also my training partner and a professional Muay Thai/MMA fighter. He said something that struck me: “You know Luda,
I have always thought this was true but I am glad to hear somebody else say it. It takes someone very special to stick with a fighter through thick and thin. All wins and losses… The times of broken bones, black eyes and many stitches.
And I know there are not many people that are willing to make that sacrifice.
Hey Luda, I liked that quote at the end. Whoever said that was right. What we do on an everyday basis is not normal. We live a hectic, exhausting crazy life and to be able to come home to TANYA'S beautiful face is your balance! It's so awesome how she supports you, not many women have the mental strength to do so. Mine and dat's relationship is a different story. We met at the gym, that gym is our life. Our friends and family and we both train whenever we're not working. We come home, eat dinner and do it again. In the past I have found it difficult for myself to keep interest in other guys who don't share the same passion as me, because anything they do sport-wise seems inferior to fighting haha. Dat and I put aside one day a week, even if it's just for a couple hours to not even think about training and relax with each other, go out to dinner and that seems to keep our relationship very stable, but for women, or men who aren't knees deep into MMA with their partner, i've never experienced it so I don't know if it would be a distraction, but I definitely think a fighter needs to date a special kind of person to have a successful career and relationship.
ReplyDeleteHey Danielle, Thanks for the reply.
ReplyDeleteThe quote at the end was actually by our very own Andres Jeudi @Andres_Jeudi. Yes, it is hard work to keep up with all this and Tanya is awesome for doing it. You guys definitely have a unique relationship which is awesome in itself. Tanya and I also do the same when I am not training. We put aside one day for just us. As far as other sports go, I used to say the same thing about other athletes and it used to piss Tanya off lol. But I have to shout out runners, especially marathoners, they are in a league of their own. You are right though, she is my balance and she fixes me up too!!! lol
I have to agree with Danielle. Chris and I met at the gym and so we both have an understanding of what it takes. The beauty is; if Chris has signed up for a fight, I know what to buy at the grocery store, what to cook and what to ignore. In those 6 weeks I am #2 and training is #1. For the first 6 months of our relationship I was #2! Now I just take turns being #2 ;) But that's ok, because it's important to me that training be #1 for Chris for two reasons. One- so that he can come out of it unharmed. And two- not so much that he can win, but that he gains something positive out of a goal he set out to do. So many people feel limited by their relationships, I think each partner should have a personal goal outside of their relationship that they are allowed the time to achieve. It's not only good for personal growth, but I believe it's healthy for the relationship no matter how many struggles it presents. And when it comes down to it- if my man is at the gym doing healthy things with healthy people, then power to him. Better than being at the bar til 3 am blowing lines.
ReplyDeleteI also had a very hard time dating 'non-fighters.' I also wasn't interested in it because all guys want to do on dates is go to a bar and eat pizza and drink lots of beer. That never lined up with my values, at the time anyway!
We have a new struggle now, and it's that I don't train anymore. All we ever knew was training together, but since we left Sityodtong, our world is different. That's for another blog. Hope you're all doing well!!!!
Nice post. While I'm not a pro fighter, being a pro trainer can be nearly as time consuming and pretty stressful. Making sure that you allocate time for each other is huge, as is recognizing when you have to prioritize. If you're in fight camp, training gets moved up the list. If you're not, it might move down. Always a balancing act though.
ReplyDelete(Side note: competitive athletes of any stripe are tough and worthy of respect. I sure as shit can't run a marathon...)